This Moment

The head of a company survived 9/11 because

His son started kindergarten.

Another fellow was alive because it was

His turn to bring donuts.

One woman was late because her

Alarm clock didn’t go off in time.

One was late because of being stuck on the NJ Turnpike

Because of an auto accident.

One of them

Missed his bus.

One spilled food on her clothes and had to take

Time to change.

One’s

Car wouldn’t start.

One couldn’t

Get a taxi.

The one that struck me was the man

Who put on a new pair of shoes that morning,

Took the various means to get to work but before.

He got there, he developed a blister on his foot.

He stopped at a drugstore to buy a Band-Aid.

That is why he is alive today..

Now when I am

Stuck in traffic,

Miss an elevator,

Turn back to answer a ringing telephone…

All the little things that annoy me,

I think to myself,

This is exactly where

I’m meant to be

At this very moment

How to piss people off

HOW TO TICK PEOPLE OFF Leave the copy machine set to reduce 200%, extra dark, 17 inch paper, 99 copies. In the memo field of all your checks, write "for sexual favors." Specify that your drive-through order is "TO-GO." If you have a glass eye, tap on it occasionally with your pen while talking to others. Stomp on little plastic ketchup packets. Insist on keeping your car windshield wipers running in all weather conditions "to keep them tuned up." Reply to everything someone says with "that's what you think." Practice making fax and modem noises. Highlight irrelevant information in scientific papers and "cc" them to your boss. Make beeping noises when a large person backs up. Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with prophesy." Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears and grimacing. Disassemble your pen and "accidentally" flip the ink cartridge across the room. Holler random numbers while someone is counting. Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green, and insist to others that you "like it that way." Staple pages in the middle of the page. Publicly investigate just how slowly you can make a croaking noise. Honk and wave to strangers. Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their complimentary mints at the cash register. TYPE IN UPPERCASE. type only in lowercase. dont use any punctuation either Buy a large quantity of orange traffic cones and reroute whole streets. Repeat the following conversation a dozen times. "DO YOU HEAR THAT?" "What?" "Never mind, it's gone now." As much as possible, skip rather than walk. Try playing the William Tell Overture by tapping on the bottom of your chin. When nearly done, announce "No, wait, I messed it up," and repeat. Ask people what gender they are. While making presentations, occasionally bob your head like a parakeet. Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down. Sing along at the opera. Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn't rhyme. Ask your co-workers mysterious questions and then scribble their answers in a notebook. Mutter something about "psychological profiles."

Loss

Emotions have been pulling me left and right. One minute I feel happy and relaxed, the next I'm overwhelmed with grief and memories. Three deaths in 2 months time. Hoping that I don't drown in the sadness that has surrounded me, and looking to focus on the positive. And that has always been me, hasn't it? Looking to focus on the positive.

I wonder when I will actually be able to?