Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Blair is back in town.

From now on, you can just call me Blair. Yes, as in Blair Waldorf. I have officially adopted her way of thinking and I must say I'm having a grand old time. These past two weeks I haven't been able to keep my mouth shut. Call it playing dirty, but I call it finally playing the game. I'm not on the sidelines anymore, I'm in the front lines. With all the baloney that has been going on lately, I can no longer take a back seat and play nice and quiet. I'm speaking my mind, whether it's pretty or not. I'm just tired of not standing up for myself and dammit, I'm going to now. Of course I approach things nicely in most circumstances, but if you step on my toes, I'm stepping back. 

With heals on.

Saturday, September 19, 2009

Packing on the Pasta

Well, ladies and gents, it is officially that time where I make a confession. A big one. 

I haven't been to the gym in over a month.

God, I know! What the hell am I doing?! Eating pasta and donuts like I need them to survive? Partying it up like my liver can handle it. I think it's about that time where I get back on track. There was a good amount of months where I went to the gym at least 3 cardio-packed occasions a week, and I felt a huge difference in my being. My outlook on my repetitive life was much more positive, my flabby belly was starting to tone up (a little...) and I felt like I could just fly to the moon. My excuse has been that I haven't had much time, which is true. The show took up a lot of that time, I know, but now? I just have no energy left after working so late and staying out at night. I need to get it together before I have another mental breakdown. 

Anyway, I was talking to my good friend George Michael Michael George and I mentioned how I don't often post on here, mainly because I feel like all I do is complain about things that are going wrong in my life. I think ultimately that it's what I have always done with my journals, but every once and a while, when looking back, I love reading those incredibly joyous entries. It's nice to be reminded of the complete happiness I felt then.  Like the 5 year old girl I babysit for said, we remember the bad memories more because there are less of them in comparison to the happy ones. 

Such a smart little curly haired girl.

Anycrap, I just ate the most amazing pasta EVER and now I'm going to a party, so I have to get up and going. 

I know, I know.. It's just so much easier than the gym!

Wednesday, September 9, 2009

It's time you and me had a serious talk.

Having been in Pennsylvania since Sunday, I've had quite a lot of time to sit around and do nothing. I finished a book, I started memorizing a monologue... I caught up on Top Chef.  I have also thought quite seriously about a hot topic in the news right now: Healthcare. I'm going to say this first, just so you can get where I'm coming from. My mother, who is just 50, has been in and out of hospitals for 30 years. My parents have filed bankruptcy twice within that time. After at least 6 major surgeries on her knee, my mother is STILL in tremendous pain. She is constantly trying to battle through it with concoctions of various pain meds, and overall, not succeeding. My mom is in bed most days, unable to walk. It's unfair that she has had to spend half of her life and all of mine suffering. It's also unfair that we have had to fight insurance companies EVERY TIME. 

The thing is, my parents pay for their insurance. My dad is fortunate enough to receive a plan from his company, but they still pay each month for coverage. That coverage is SHIT and this is why we need a change. Even in paying a monthly rate, my parents still have hardly anything to show for it. It's definitely more than me, as I have nothing, but I think there is where the issue lies. In healthcare providers. No one gives two shits about you getting well, they care about the money. When I see people posting things about healthcare reform saying, "Why should I have to pay for someone else's free healthcare?"  I say, "You are a cold ass son of a bitch." Here's why in long form. We get taxed, no matter what. Everyone does. I hardly make $15,000 a year, and I'm getting taxed. But think of this: Only .2 percent of Germany's legal residents are uninsured, compared with nearly 18 percent of Americans who have no coverage, yet very little tax money goes into their system. The lion's share comes, as in America, from premiums paid by workers and employers to insurance companies. You alone aren't paying for someone else's free health care. Everyone is paying for health care. And the more you make, the more you pay. The idea is that everybody's in it together, and nobody should be without health insurance. But say this reform does use my tax dollars but uses them for healthcare as opposed to paying government officials, I have no problem with that. If my taxes are providing an opportunity for people, including myself, to be able to go and get help when they're ill, that's fine by me. If my tax dollars will someday save my ass or get me a flu shot, I'm willing to pay for it. 
 Right now, I can't afford to pay a health insurance provider straight out of pocket, but if the government provides that option for me, it makes sense for the moment and I would take it. Of course when I can afford something else, it will be great to be able to do that. But for someone in my position, I'm willing to accept what's going on.  I think a reform is a good idea, and I don't know how it's going to happen, but I do hope that we can try and make health care accessible. We are so far behind other countries. And maybe it doesn't work. I know in Canada they have a very long wait before they can be seen for non-emergencies, but there has to be a balance. There has to be a country that can be a model for us. For once, I hope we can think about the well being of our country's citizens, put all of our pride and party favoritism aside and figure something out. Something that works.

I just want to have the ability to go a doctor. Or more importantly to a dentist. My wisdom teeth are killing me!

Sunday, September 6, 2009

Ghosts

My goodness, have I had an amazing week! Ghosts of Provincetown has come and gone and I couldn't be more pleased. I am so proud of everyone for working so hard and actually putting up a show. I think this is a huge turning point for all of us and I can't wait to continue to create with the many talented people I work with at NWS. Now that the show is over, though, it seems I have too much time to sit with my legs folded under and think about all the crap I put aside. Money, work, boyfriend, friends, family... they all slapped me in the face the moment I woke up this morning. It stung for a moment, but then I just had to forget about it. I just feel like I've been allowing myself to be miserable and I'm not okay with that anymore. I just can't believe that I let things go so easily, when it's my life and I have every right to be dismissive or sad or frustrated or happy. I have the right to be and do whatever I want, and I will. I just have no more patience for worrying about things that are out of my hands anyway. So I'm just going to try and have some fun. Things will work out. I'm not going to be irresponsible, but I'm also not going to sit on my ass, complaining about how broke I am. Over it.

Anyway, I'm back in Pennsylvania with my parents and loving it. The weather is beautiful. Perfect for a joyride in my mom's convertible and maybe a nap in the sunshine. I'm going to enjoy my little break from the city. Maybe even post another video blog! We'll see what these next few days bring. 

Hope all is well wherever you are. 
xo,
am