Everything We Dream Of

I can't tell you how crazy my life has been as of late. I've been going non-stop with MosesMogilee for the New Works production while working like crazy, auditioning more than ever and dating a bunch of men. Although I am still incredibly thankful to be in this city, I'm getting a bit impatient with my life as a barely-paid cocktail server. If I were a barely paid actor, things might be different. But for now, I check Actor's Equity as often as I check Facebook, and plan on booking something by the end of this year. That's my latest goal. 8 auditions (so far) left before 2011 hits, including one for MosesMogilee's production of Dog Sees God. Since I got my EMC card, I've been on an at least an audition a week. My motivation is picking up steam, and my focus is moving back tenfold to what I came here for. I'm ready for this. I'm so ready for it! I know often times I look for what I don't have and I don't focus on what I do have. In truth, I'm sure everyone is guilty of that at some point. For me, I've got nothing going on right now as an actor that makes me feel like I'm on my way to becoming a success. I'm happy with the projects I've been involved with so far and I'm proud of myself for staying actively involved artistically one way or another, but ultimately I felt by the time I reached 25 (which is right around the corner) I would have at least booked a tour or a paying gig of some sort. I guess right now the quarterlife crisis is standing front and center on my stage of life. I want to shove it away, that quarterlife crisis, but if anything, it's an incredible source of motivation.

Anyway, in other news, my parents are officially relocated in Mass and my mother is going insane being locked up in the house all day. My dad is working (well, he goes to work and they have nothing for him to do) and my cats are taking over the kitchen cabinets. Everything seems to be back to normal for them. Thanksgiving is approaching, and none of the Moshers will be together. This isn't a first, but something about the over-commercialized holidays makes you feel like a loser for not being traditional. I plan on attending the potlock at work and probably going home to watch Project Runway reruns. Just another Thursday, really.

In the dating world: I'm dating. I'm having fun, I'm enjoying the company, I'm learning from my mistakes. But I think I'm more terrified than ever of getting my heart broken again. I know it's all risky business, this thing called dating, but I have a great model to aspire to: My parents. They have found their perfect match and because I'm part of a generation that feels like we should have everything we dream of, I hope to have exactly that. My soul mate. My true love. And I won't settle, but again, I'm starting to get a little impatient. Oy vey.

After re-reading this, I think the thing that I must focus more on is clear.

PATIENCE.

Just breathe, Anna. It will all work out in the end. It always does, right?

Right.