So I know it's been a while... life has been so absolutely insane and stressful and wonderful and a whole lot of everything else that I've just been trying to live it. I've experienced so much in this past year that I can easily say it's been my biggest growing year to date. I'm happy about where I am, but man, things have changed. I guess the reason I'm writing now is because a). I finally have the time/willingness to do so and 2). I have a lot on my mind. (This being the main reason)
What really sparked this for me is one of my former classmates from college changed her relationship status to "Engaged." It was as if Cupid himself, instead of shooting an arrow gracefully at my heart to help me fall in love, plummeted the arrow sideways right in there, while wriggling it around a bit just to make sure it hurt enough. Don't get me wrong, I couldn't be more happy for her, but for me, it just made me think: "Will that ever happen to me?" I know it seems silly, only being 2 months away from my 26th birthday, but what I'm realizing lately more so than ever is that I really want that. No, not the arrow plummeting into my heart... I want to change my relationship status to engaged for the love of Panera Bread! Life is short. I want to have someone in my life that I know is going to be there for me no matter what. I don't want another heartache. I'm tired of the strained dating game. The long "getting to know you" conversations, and the bad food, and the "Oh, can't you just let me pay half?" awkward moment after meals... I just want one thing in my life to be consistent. I want love and I want to take care of someone and I want to have a wedding. And for god sakes I don't want to feel bad about wanting that.
May I just ask, what is up with the majority of this generation of guys? They get something great and then live it up while it's new and exciting and fresh and the moment that it gets serious they'll take off to the hills running, while throwing out over their shoulder a wish for nothing but happiness to you. You get your hopes up for love with a New Yorker and your setting your sites on disaster. In New York, finding a guy who wants what you do just feels impossible. It's like they all believe they can get someone better. Why settle in New York? There's an island full of fabulous, successful, gorgeous women and I am a New Yorker! I can do whatever I want! Us New Yorkers, we have too many options. So why just pick one when we can try one of everything? I just find myself worrying what if it doesn't happen for me?
So, after worrying for hours about my love life and the lineup I somehow manage, I try to focus my energies to the more positive aspects of my life. That tends to help my mood. For three minutes.
So... endeavors that are positive: As an apprentice I've made amazing friends, even better connections and have been cast in 4 shows in the upcoming year. I'm starting of 2012 with a bang and hope that this year the good actually continues on throughout.
My artwork has been a huge help in paying my rent, and hopefully will continue to do so. I have a gallery coming up soon and lots of love and support from friends and family. Pretty soon you'll be able to buy prints from me, too!
And... I have friends and family who are quite amazing and I love them dearly. Even through the toughest of times with my health, death in my family and breakups, the best ones have been there for me.
So anyway, stay tuned as things get more exciting and I think I'll be able to keep this updated far more often than I have been.
...but then again, don't get your hopes up. I am a New Yorker now, after all.
No comments:
Post a Comment