A blog just in time for Holiday time! I'm pretty excited to go back home and have some fun with my parents and get away from work for another week. It's getting harder and harder for me to keep "It's just a job" at the front of my thought process while mindlessly directing people to their seats. The fact that my favorite coworkers are asking me who made my shit list for the day is shining light on a trend of mine: I like to bitch. I'm really trying to stop being so negative, but it really is difficult to maintain a positive attitude when I just feel so unhappy. And when people overall are just so unintelligent. When I was in Ghosts of Provincetown and Samurai Sword Crime my job was much more tolerable. I didn't mind going in and getting shit done, but now I feel like since it's the only thing I have going on, I'm suddenly overwhelmed with anxiety and frustration with the majority of people I encounter. It's all the little things, I guess, that are just piling up in a heap in front of me. And it ain't pretty. Christmas time will be a good opportunity for me to bottle some happiness so I can bring it back with me for a rainy day. Or rather, just another day in the basement. I actually really like the rain.
Anyway, it's just really hard for me to care about a lot of these people when all I can really think about is booking a show and auditions and wanting my life to be that of my dreams. I've never considered myself one to have many true friends, so in all honesty it doesn't bother me much that I don't like the majority of people I work with. Of course there are a few people that I love seeing at work, but I don't get to see those people all that often. Of course not! :) I just can't access that feeling I had when I first started working there. I was so happy to be involved in the theatre in some way. That I was making money watching theatre. Really, doing the easiest job I've ever had in my life. I just don't find it as fulfilling anymore. It's really not a terrible place to work, the big problem is that I'm not doing what I love. I don't love this place like I love being on stage. I don't want to be sucked into this temporary position meant to pay my bills until I book something. I can't let myself do that. And with each day that I'm working another shift, I find myself feeling stuck. And that's why I'm frustrated. I just need to get back out there again. So I've prepared some dates to kick myself forward. The Goal Lists are making a comeback for me. I love lists. :) So here it is:
THE KICK OFF FOR 2010 GOAL LIST
1) New headshots on January 4, 2010. Get shots reproduced A.S.A.P.
2) Wisdom teeth removal on January 7, 2010. (I know this isn't related THAT much to my acting career, but it is something that needs to be done. Finally.)
3) At least 2 AUDITIONS PER WEEK. Show up. Submit the shit out of it! Keep a log of auditions I was seen at, callbacks, etc. SEND POSTCARDS once the Callbacks start rolling in!
4) Read at least 4 new plays or plays I haven't read per month.
5) Keep taking guitar lessons. Look into voice lessons.
6) Write more often.
7) Take more photos.
8) Save money for travel.
And I'm sure there will be more before the ball drops. I always look forward to the New Year. When I make these damn lists I keep to them. Here's to not looking back!
xo,
am
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