It's not about the money.. it's about the life you live.

I couldn't be more surprised to be living the life I am living right now. I guess it's mainly because it's taken me 8 months to get to this point, but I didn't think these many days of merriment would have happened. I believe that deep in my heart I knew that I would make it in this big city, but I never considered the challenges I would face in being here. But I know now more than ever that I can not be one of those people to fall back on a plan B. My plan B is to stick to plan A. Sorry guys, but following your dreams may not mean money yet. But really, if that's what it's about, than maybe you're in it for all the wrong reasons. Maybe that isn't really what you wanted in the first place. I'm seeing so many of my closest friends lose hope in their ability to reach their goals, and that just eats me alive. Truly. I have taken on the heartaches of so many people that my own heart was about to burst. I have so much anxiety and stress. I worry about everyone more than anyone could possibly know. I worry so much about other people that I have forgotten to worry about myself. And when I do worry about myself, I worry that I'm worrying too much! 

I need to learn to let go.

 

 I think I may be getting the idea, though. I haven't had this many good days in a long while. I really must thank the lovely and talented people that I have been blessed to work with in Ghosts of Provincetown, and my family who will love and support me no matter what. I really couldn't have been able to experience this emotional high without them. I love it!

In other news, I wish all of you out-of-towners could have been in NYC today. I know rainy days in the city hardly sound appealing, but today was just perfect for warm tea, a cozy sweater and a book. I love days like this. It just brought me some much needed peace in my buzzing brain. I need more days like these to get myself together. I don't know when it happened, but somewhere in the past year, I lost some of myself that I have grown to treasure. The part of me that would write obsessively in my journal, and plan out my week in color coded fashion in my lovely planners. I'm just ready to start September and get some change in my life. Changing seasons seems just right. Anyway, it's approaching 3am and I have no idea how I'm awake, considering I'm coming up on a 24 hour day. 

This mind of mine... it just won't stop buzzing!

I hope all is well and that y'all are keeping it real. Loves ya.

xo

am