25

I haven't done something like this in a while, but lately I have felt like I've lost touch with who I really am. I know it's just a dumb survey for most people, but in this place of confusion and heartache and being just plain overwhelmed with the stress of my life, I figured it would be a good way to take my mind off of my very taxing day.

25 facts about me that you may or may not have known.

1). I wish I had the skills that Martha Stewart does, not only because my apartment would grace the covers of Home Decor but because I would make so much money off all those crafty ideas she has!

2). Painting gives me such a peace of mind but I can never seem to find the time to do it.

3). I often believe my best friends are talking about me behind my back. (I hope that isn't true but I think about it a lot).

4). I hate having a messy room. It causes me so much anxiety yet for some reason these days it has been so easy to mess up. But I'll tell ya, it doesn't last long. The minute I feel stressed or overwhelmed or even just more happy than usual, that room becomes spotless. In less than 20 minutes. I'm a maniac.

5). I truly believe that if you are looking for love, you should stop. Love will come to you. It will fall right in your lap. You CAN NOT EXPECT ANYTHING. It just doesn't work that way. If you force it, it isn't right. If Lost taught me anything (and it has taught me a lot) it's that everything happens for a reason. I think love definitely falls into this category.

6). In surveys similar to these there's always that question: "What is your biggest fear?" and I always say "Fire." Let's be honest here. It's a huge fear of mine but my biggest? No. Failure, yes. At least three times a week I think, did I make the right choice? Will this ever work out? Will my life be lived paycheck to paycheck? I just always thought even if I wasn't making the money as an actor at least I would be happy doing what I loved. But I'm not even doing that right now. I just worry that it won't happen for me and it's hard for me to maintain a positive attitude about my life.

7).  I hate that my ex and I aren't friends. I love my boyfriend now, 100%, but I just can't see having gone through so much with Ben that we don't even speak to each other.  We had our problems but we had many good times too, and I don't want to have to pretend like they didn't exist. Or that he doesn't exist.

8). Cheese is my comfort food. 

9). I'm currently on a mission to read at least 100 books or plays by the end of this year. (I have read 6 so far).

10).  I hate that when I throw a party (which I've only done once! ha) I can't relax. Or get a buzz. And my biggest party pet peeve is people who effing change the music!!! Gaaah! I made a friggin' playlist specifically for this party so DON'T TOUCH IT! Goodness.

11). I want to move to England. Like, yesterday.

12).  Two of my goals for this year: to become more flexible and take a dance class.

13). I haven't been in a show for well over a year. Needless to say, I'm fucking feeling it. I need some sort of outlet for all this stored up creative juice I have. Maybe I should make some time for that painting...

14).  I have a panic attack at least once a week. 

15).  I want to go to Yale for grad school.

16). I love that spot on the shoulder that you can nuzzle into and cuddle without being unable to breathe. 

17). I've thought about teaching people Shakespeare techniques for their auditions to make a few extra bucks but I don't think anyone would take it and I'm a chicken shit.

18). I am so in love with Trader Joe's. They have such amazing prices and excellent food for vegetarians and I just love it. I'm going tomorrow.

19). I miss Nevada and I never thought I would. 

20).  As of now, I only own black shoes. I need to change that.

21). The little girl I babysit for always makes me pretend that I am Ginny Weasley from Harry Potter and than she gets to be Hermione. I get kind of jealous that she always plays Hermione. 

22). Not being invited to my brother's wedding is one of the most upsetting things that has happened to my mom, dad and I. Even though all that drama went down, we're his family and we love him, and that's something we'll never be able to experience. I just don't really understand how that happened.

23). Homemade gifts are my favorite. Mixed Cd's, knitted hats and scarves, or even just a hand-packed picnic to Central Park would make my day. I think I love them so much because if there's a talent that someone has that I can't do, I want to learn how to do it. I'm so envious of people who can knit! Seriously, that's awesome.

24). I love New York but I think about moving to LA all the time.

25). I am incredibly grateful to be where I'm at today. Despite all the struggle, I wouldn't change it for the world. Each day I'm faced with a challenge, and my personal challenge is dealing with it. I haven't been very good at managing my stress but I'm going to try. I'm going to try so hard to make things okay for me. I have to remember that each day, I wake up in a city that people dream about coming to and may never in their lifetime get to see. I still have a job while millions of people are unemployed. I still have passion for theatre and know that I won't let myself give up til I make it. I have amazing, supporting and loving people who have my back, no matter what. I am just grateful. And I hope that I show it.